youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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