The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize