he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
