I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
