Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i think i just lost a toe
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
