no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
