I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
