someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
