Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
