Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
