Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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