i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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