Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
