New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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