I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
