I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
