i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
