thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
