I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
