he was CRYING into my vagina
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
