and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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