glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
