My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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