woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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