Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize