He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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