Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
