So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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