when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
someone owes me an orgasm
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
