after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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