She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
