I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize