You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
