I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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