I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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