A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
