I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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