You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
