So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My dick has a subreddit
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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