I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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