So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
