remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
