i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize