i permit you to call me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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