You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
