Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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