Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
