You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
