The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
