Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
