Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
