I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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