idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize