Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
