doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
