i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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