He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
