But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
