five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
how does that bad decision feel?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize