Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize