You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
