Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
