you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
