The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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